I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
