my sisters under your porch take her home
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
