When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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