dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
