the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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