i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
True strength comes from lack of pants
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
