I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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