youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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