Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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