the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
So much Jack, so little girl.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
did i just pee glitter
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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