I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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