in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm both gender and math confused
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize