He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
i need some magic done to my vagina
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I wear drunk well.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
