if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
