And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
