I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
