he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
