The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
