when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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