So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
