Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
