You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
