Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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