I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
