Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
