I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
