he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
