so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
