Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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