Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
