fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I wish i was in the wii world.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
