Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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