You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
