Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
