You can't special order awesome
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
