Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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