New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
