Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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