dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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