What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
