How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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