So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
