i think i have two assholes
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
