Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
