the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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