I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Randomize
