Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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