I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
