theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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