You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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