we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i drank out of a bidet.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
