two words: eviction party
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
