she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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