its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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