I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
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