sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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