I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
