If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
