It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
