you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
