Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
