Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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