The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
