Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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