Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
