Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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