all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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