Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Panties = found
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
