Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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