my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
