kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Randomize
