Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
