Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize